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You Have Reached Your Destination

by Caitlin Smith & Her Imaginary Band

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1.
He’s got an ache that won’t go away Just a lonely cowboy and the sun burns so hot Very few surprises, waiting for the rains to come Cause they redirect the water to Cali-for-ni-ay He’ll just keep tumbling from town to town without emotion Perpetual motion will blow the blues away Every new bar gives another girl another story It’s never boring, but it all adds up loneliness At the end of the day... Chorus — I was his Grand companion Filling up a canyon in a sprawling desert life I spread to fill the space up In a place where nothing can grow up without love, nothing grows without love. Bridge — I have seen the void inside his heart Like a glacier it moves so slow and runs so deep It scares me when I try to sleep / From a distance, I can hear it creaking... Digital tourists take photos of me in various poses for the women’s magazines I lie and smile there, I’ll probably die there From the dehydration, or the heat Chorus & Outro Nobody can grow without love.
2.
The songs that she was singing Were the songs I used to sin Reminding me how I stopped singing them when you left me Like all our friends who then took sides and I never saw again But I’m not listening to their voices anymore Not anymore Chorus— That was just part of the story That was just part of the story so far. The ache on your face as we lay together and you couldn’t get it up We’d drifted so far away from sure The music had wrecked us, and left us stranded Clinging to each other’s arms But I’m not your life preserver any more Chorus— It took this long to realise you were poisoning me Line upon line, stacked so high Till it came tumbling down Tumbling down, we all fall down I’d read the same page over and over Not taking any of it in They were your words, your fantasy baby But its fiction So we’d all sit around in a circle Glorifying our pain, until the enemy was out of control You can tell it that way, call it like you see it But I’m not playing that game no more I’m not playing any games any more I’m not playing your games any more Cause that was just… Chorus—
3.
A little birdie told me Said she saw you drinking on your own Crying into your wine and wondering why it all went wrong Where are your friends? Where has your love gone? Why you gotta make it so hard? Chain-smoke to try and get you sober Working over 70 hours But you’ve got nothing to show for it Where are your friends? Where has your love gone? Did you think she’d look to find you, slumped over the bar? Did she leave you behind when you said you couldn’t walk that far? Did you forget to call when she was waiting all alone? Did you pray for forgiveness? Did you pray for forgiveness? Did you pray for forgiveness? Or, did you forget to pray? Every time you deny the truth Your make her into a liar When the sky is blue You call it green just to pick a fight Where are your friends? Where has your love gone? There’s only so many times You can kick a girl when she’s down Until she cannot stand She’s lost the will to stick around Like all your friends That’s why your love’s gone.
4.
Yesterday was meant to be our anniversary Now all that remains is a sour taste Sorry, we couldn‘t make it that far When you’re healing from a broken leg or arm It seems to take so long To heal what we have broken I dreamt I’d been invited to a party thrown by your new love To celebrate the expectation of your first child I blame the wintertime Exhausted and sleep deprived All emotions rush to the surface Like exposed electrical wires Then I finally cracked the code Of why I get buried under the snow The more seasons that unfold, the more I fear the cold It felt so strange, to hear your ‘Happy Birthday’ Did all the love we have, simply evaporate? At our friends wedding You just stared out into space Shuffled your feet, talked of your travels Turned, and walked away Now that I’ve moved on I don’t question what went wrong As the bitterness turns (repeated) As the bitterness turns to sweetness and then fades into the sun… Peach, nectarine sweet summer So far removed from waking up dead in the wintertime.
5.
Her heart belongs to no man As it beats inside her breast It won’t be sold to anyone For a thousand pounds of flesh In this world, in this world Her tongue it speaks for no man As it lies inside her mouth She won’t be told to hold it Or soften their angry shouts In this world, in this world, in this world Her hands they work for no man As they batten down the hatches Preparing to sail for no man’s land With no fixed abode She will wander through this world alone Her songs are sung to no man As they wait inside her head No amount of pain can make her say The things that can’t be said In this world, In this world, In this world Her hands they work for no man As they batten down the hatches Preparing to sail for no man’s land With no fixed abode She will wander through this world alone Alone Alone.
6.
7.
Chorus—Dear God I pray, for a miracle today That I may be as loving as I can May I realise, the joy that’s in your eyes And live in every moment without question When I woke somebody had poured concrete in my throat I couldn’t move my legs to get up, stand up, rise up Lungs too heavy to breathe, eyes too sorry to see That they’d been killing everything around me Newspaper headlines say / They’ve finally found a way to save the world But the problem with that plan / Is they’re only talking ‘bout money Blips on a computer screen Don’t mean anything, anything to me Pre-Chorus—Am I asking too much? Is it too much to ask? Chorus— I can’t count the times I’d read of fresh disasters over breakfast Thinking there was nothing I could do About the pain in this world and the suffering Just because they tell me, that’s the way it was But, they don’t know the beautiful things we do Does it have to be a crisis just to constitute news? I refuse to buy into their lies And choose to celebrate the goodness in this life Pre-Chorus— Chorus— Outro— It’s not too late for us my love (repeat)
8.
Wear your cutest white satin dress What you’ve got underneath is anybody’s guess Buy their finest bottle of wine / And see if you can find See if you can find / Someone to love You’ve been waiting for water from a barren well Hoping someday it would come when time had cast his spell The other creatures living here seem to survive But how do they keep from crying? You've gotta try and keep from crying. And... Wear your cutest white satin dress What you've got underneath is anybody's guess Buy their finest bottle of wine And see if you can find Someone to love You stand unassisted and tie your own shoes But you cannot live without the things he's been stealing from you So you're calling all the angels and praying every night For God to deliver you And this is what she said to you... Wear your cutest white satin dress What you've got underneath is anybody's guess Buy their finest bottle of wine And go on out to find Someone to love Someone to love you
9.
We’ve been sleeping for a million years Our arms have not been open to receive But if I wake, late at night You could be there to ease the fright, and I could be Held like a baby Touched so gently Held like a baby in your arms Morning comes and there’s still no relief It gets impossible to practice what I preach Mummy can’t always kiss it better for you Who’s looking after her if she’s always looking after you? She’s got to be… Held like a baby Touched so gently She could be held like a baby in your arms I try to be indifferent / Never showing my softer side Pretending I don’t even care about you There’d be no reason to cry It wouldn’t hurt me when you lied It couldn’t hurt me when you lied We break so easily With just one thought, just one word or just one deed So please try to be tender with me You never know when you might want to be Held like a baby Touched so gently Held like a baby in my arms
10.
Tug O' War 04:59
He’d start the song in the wrong key, deliberately to destabilise Tries to make everyone love him, by acting the fool, and playing for laughs The more you pull him to you The stronger he’ll try to pull away How will you know what he’d freely give If you keep pulling this way? He would have to weave between the mines, remove the mirrors, hide the knives To get some peace She paid all of his bills and took her little pills to get happy The more she pulls him to her The stronger he tries to pull away How will she know what he’d freely give If she keeps pulling this way? I can just picture a big tug of war With each side pointlessly pulling more and more Both vying for a knot in the middle Recruiting everyone into their struggle You can imagine just what would happen If suddenly one side let go Of the one thing that holds them together I guess that’s why they don’t When you kiss me you cling so painfully tight If you release me, I promise that I won’t bite But the more you pull me to you The stronger I’ll try to pull away How will you know what I’d freely give If you keep pulling this way?
11.
A hand to reach for to be reassured A shoulder to cry on Ground to rest on, when hope falls away under your feet The gaze you're lost in The invisible thread that lifts you up A thought of connection, the words you reflect on - could be mine You could be mine Chorus - Take one heart and feed it with love Inspiration be your blood Wish upon a shooting star Lets you know that you are Safe and sound Safe and sound Do the thoughts that surround you bring you peace? Will the night light guide you back to me? Strength you borrow when your body's spent Arms that catch you Calm that blankets you when you sleep The flame you're drawn to You make the load lighter Stars are brighter where you are So much to give, and we always will It's the offer of a miracle
12.
I got so sick, there’s no telling where I was For all I know, it could be four in the morning and you’re still in love with me I made so many promises, impossible to keep I said that I’d get sober and told you that you were the only one But that’s easier said than done You stopped counting, many years ago The alibis and lying to people I said I didn’t know You stopped calling me the night I hurt you bad I don’t remember anything / I thought we were just having fun But that’s easier said than done Chorus— How do you hold someone responsible If they don’t know what’s going on? Apologise till you’re blue in the face But you haven’t got a clue what you’ve done wrong You don’t know what you’re doing wrong When I woke up, in a stranger’s bed Bruises on my body and rocks inside my head Laughing as I walk outside then crying in the sun I got to change 'cause I'm too ashamed of what I've become But that's easier said than done Chorus - I can't imagine where we'd be today If my fear and failures hadn't pushed you away It used to be a game played by all of us Now it's down to one I wish that this addiction had never begun But that's easier said than done Easier said than done They say a change is gonna come but that's easier said than done
13.
Petty Cash 03:34
Can’t you see you’re a lucky girl ? You look at all the ‘haves’ and think you’re a ‘have not’ Blind to the beauty in this life Cause you only listen to people who prove you to be right Chorus— In your eyes, it’s either in the red or it’s in the black You’ve been hypnotised by the petty cash You say that you don’t like them because of their privilege You were born to suffer You were born to live on the razor’s edge I’ve lived under that knife too long and nobody cuts you free The only reason the grass looks greener is your jealousy Chorus— Bridge— If I saw things your way All I value could get washed away I’d be left clinging, to all the dues I feel I’ve got to pay and pay and pay and pay and pay It feels like they’re rubbing your face into everything you lack Lapping up their liberty like domesticated cats Rough little tongues get into every single crack Keeping it clean and making it seem like paradise Chorus -
14.
Such A Waste 05:49
Wine leans towards an empty glass As I scatter faith across the floor I refused to believe what was going on Couldn’t see the graffiti on the wall When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t awake I’d lost all sensitivity We’d grown so hardened to each other ‘Til you put us out of our misery Put us out of our misery Chorus—We were living without breathing Eating without the taste We were sleeping but not dreaming And that is such a waste Such a waste Lost inside each other's arms We'd lost all sense of gravity Lost for words and unable to say That is yours, but this belongs to me So when it came time to separate And unravel each and every thread Stitch by stitch we realised We'd become just like the walking dead Just like the walking dead We were... Chorus - Driving up to my mother's house Along metal roads with wooden fences A kingfisher sits high on his sticks as he watches the dust settle back down Trees shivering naked I left the city to its own life Shed my skin and begin to let you fly Free from my mind Standing outside the apartment Finally able to cope A glass lies at my feet Half full of fear, half full of hope You will always be so dear to me And I will hold you close in my heart So many possibilities now we're broken Broken open for a brand new start No longer... Chorus -
15.
16.
Another goodbye to add to the collection Another ten green bottles of tears A tour bus idles in front of the museum And I’m on the outside looking in Always on the outside looking in If I had a brain I’d be finding solutions If I had a shell I’d be tucked inside Not stuck to the flypaper walls of this city Squid ink stained by another goodbye Another goodbye Chorus—I can’t see for the rain in front of me But in my heart it’s crystal clear There is one love I am true to Though many offer the comfort of Many words with open arms Empty words Empty arms One day shy of a month without drinking Why is everybody else sorted but me? I need an email screener, a lover, a house cleaner, a manager and some personal security To keep stalkers at bay And clear away the time to organize Piles of clutter by my bed And the chaos in my home I just can't stand to be left I just can't stand to be left 'Cause I just can't stand to be left Alone Chorus -

credits

released November 4, 2020

Musicians credited individually per track.
My unbridled thanks, aroha and gratitude to God = the Great Creator, ancestors, Creative NZ, Ma and Pa, The Smith Whanau (esp. Penny, Nick & Ang), Raewyn & Dave Glynn, Dennis Thorpe, Mark Illingworth, Mark Casey, Fergus Millner, Lisa Couldrey, Marty Duda, Megan Franich, Jeremy Hoenig, Oli Holland & Kevin Field, Jason Smith, Alan Perrot, Jim Garner, Rochelle Bright, Damien Smith, Catherine Hamilton, Aaron Nevezie, Gerry Copas, Vanessa McGowan, Andy Gibson, Andrew Dubber, Mark Robinson, Chris Priestley and the folkies from 121, Paul Winstanley, John Bell and the Vitamin S community, Aaron Coddel, Dodgy Dave's Discount Diva Delivery and Demolition Service, Cornelius Geraets, Richard Daniel, Tessa Laird, Kelly Malone and all my students, musicians, poets and friends who are the heroes who save me every day and teach me so much.
I offer up this album in loving memory of Tony Webber, Mahinarangi Tocker and Adam Muir.

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